A Parent's Transition to the Other Side: A Reflection & Invitation from Life

I have been on a long hiatus from work and have only recently returned more fully. Life's movement had asked everything in me to send a parent to the other's side with the utmost care, remembrance and love.

For more than one month, my attention, time, inner and outer energy had been directed at one of them who gave me Life: My Father. After months of health challenges, courage and resilience in the face of complex surgery, his physical journey in this world of the living met an end. He physically passed, his soul transitioned in the presence of close ones and dearly loved ones, including me. The way I remember it, it was a time of profound stillness, inner guidance and in my experience, the deepest love possible between a parent and child that has been facing the human Life. I sense a polite movement towards leaving and something deeper in me agreed to it.

Upon his passing, I had received many messages of condolences, thoughts, prayers and love. Some stood out for me because their words attuned so well to who I am and what I felt. Others stood out for me for very different reasons. There were a number of them who asked urgently to be 'strong' while others said it can be very difficult to accept but we have to. I can only assume from their words that they too have had parents who transitioned. Upon reading them, something in me became very tender and reflective of this profound disposition of 'acceptance'. What a big journey it is for the loved ones, for the child. In just around one month after the day, I am feeling the novelty of this journey in me.

Grief in the face of loss, I find, is deeply necessary: our loved one, whoever they may be and however their lives unfolded including the length of time, occupied a physical and energetic space that helped our movement in this world and often even without words and from a distance, they orient us in this world. I saw this with deeper clarity when my father transitioned: he oriented me towards generosity, greater courage in the face of the new and towards inclusivity. His life also unconsciously formed a pattern and dynamics in my other connections and relationships. I had been preparing internally for his possible passing given his health decline for months, yet the part that felt new was settling into a new reality where many things shifts.

Whichever healing work we do, life's most ancient and crucial task ultimately is a successful forward movement beginning with a safe and successful birth. From here, a forward movement is our sense of sufficiency and an ability to grasp at life's abundance in all forms possible: health, support, resources, fulfilling relationships, friendships, actualisation of our gifts and a meaningful existence. In many Eastern way of life, this is embedded albeit not always fully embodied: gratitude for all that was given or even sacrificed so we, the next generation, may take it forward with us and pass it on. However, as we know, that even with the deepest intention and manifestation desires to be very happy, a fulfilling forward movement can feel inhibited. This is where the work of integration through Systemic inquiry can open up new possibilities.

A movement of integration may feel new to you if you have not stepped into the work of Systemic Family Constellations. Here, we rest our inner argument with life about who our parents are. This is not formality or a moral code but a deep, gradual and often a gentle lifelong movement of agreement in our entire energetic field to who our parents are in its totality so we may live in full, immerse deeper in our own path and we can make a deeper movement towards allowing a richer kind of love to guide our life. I am fully aware that for one with a complex history of abuse or trauma, this feels immensely gigantic and if it is then, it can be. This is an invitation to sit with deep wisdom of what may shift in us if we made this movement versus a prescription.

And for us whose parents have transitioned, there may be a sense of disagreement of their passing; a pressing restless sense that it wasn't right for them to go or they should have done more to stay. If this one resonates, the invitation is to observe what within ourselves is met with a pause or a standstill: often something in us is struggling to flourish without their physical presence and remnants of what feels unfinished inhibits us greatly. This is a tender question because everything about a parent's passing away is deeply tender and profound. Sometimes it can be deeply shocking to our system and it is not uncommon to feel mostly numb so once again, it is a very gentle invitation.

If this speaks to you in any way even if your parents are alive here or if your parent has transitioned while something in you feel incomplete or partially complete then this can be an invitation to explore deeper and inquire deeper. An inner preparation or inquiry about a loved one's transition, I find, helps us live a much more full life here: Life can feel very robust and rich when we become intentional about this gift of life we received. The bigger picture of continuity is no longer an abstract idea but a innate felt experience that we are indeed children who can make a movement to live in a more robust and fulfilling way, allowing more gifts of life to come through.

At this time I am offering an Immersion In-Depth workshop in Bali, 11th July for those who feels led to be in a group. I am also available again for private sessions if you feel this work needs to be done in a more quiet personal space for you. Feel free to reach out for either.

Meanwhile, sending you the most tender and generous love and grace from the heart of one who has recently sent a beautiful father into his transition. A remarkable privilege.