Healing the Mother Pain, Wound & Trauma Within Us

Being a mother is one of the most courageous undertaking in this world. Many women in the past had no sense of what they were undertaking because it was long regarded as just what women would do. Thankfully, this is changing as more and more women are CHOOSING motherhood instead of having it expected of them. Also thankfully, we see the knowledge base re-emerging thanks to women wellness professionals and midwives who are educating us with compassion on how to move gently into motherhood.

For many generations, many women who became mothers have remained disconnected from the task they have undertaken to bring life into the world because most assumed, mentally at least, that it was the task of being a woman. Becoming a mother is internally so life transforming for a woman, so self-sacrificial and magnanimous that so many mothers have lived within the pain and confusion of this often affecting their own well-being. When they see their children develop their own 'ego-centric' behaviours, this can pain a mother so much because internally she wonders "how could they refuse her after all she has been through for them". The more trauma a woman carries, the more this bears an enormous weight on her.

If you are an adult woman reading this: what does it mean for you to have the freedom to choose? What does it mean for you to be able to choose to be a mother or not to be a mother, choose to work and travel, choose who you date or don't date and also if marriage is what you want. How does it feel internally to have this much freedom? I have worked with many modern women presented with a lot of choices. On the outside, to join the rhetoric, they realise they are free but it is not unusual that so many women are ending up in mental health care (which is not a bad thing because it is an indication of an awakening if we honour it that way) and aren't able to feel free they way they are 'expected to'. It is also not unusual that so many women are struggling to form relationships even if they want to.

What does this chaos mean? I will ask the question again and see if you can read this more gently: If your mother was never free to choose the course of her life, do you feel like you have an inner permission to be a much happier woman than your mother? Are you able to experience a most divinely loving relationship when your mother married a man who disrespected her (or abused her or left her for another woman and in financial lack and chaos)? Would your mind, body and energy hold the capacity to allow yourself to be loved by your partner with gentle care if she never was loved tenderly and if she worked hard to put food on the table?

If you are a son: how is it to let your mother be by herself after your father had left her for another woman while you spend a loving time with your partner? How would it be to be a happy man with a happy family when your mother is experiencing depression for many years? In the same way, do you feel you are allowed to be this much happier than your mother?

If you are reading this and experiencing a mix of feelings then it is not unusual. Some people experience guilt just by reading it, others prefer not to talk about it and there are others who feels rejection towards our mother because we don't wish to carry her difficulty but we feel like we have to. In simple words, these are indications of the Mother Pain we hold: we hold her suffering within us whether out of willingness or out of an inner obligation. If we didn't hold this much pain on behalf our mother (also father) the world would be a different place because we would flourish more easily.

The gradual invitation and movement we make through Trans-Generational Healing & Family Constellations is a wisdom long held by many Eastern traditions but perhaps insufficiently passed down generationally or is lost on the modern world: the movement of Deep Respect to the Suffering of the past. In respecting deeply what has happened before us, perhaps we find an opening to make room for a new path that is more our own and more free from the pain of the past.

I invite you to try the sentence and this may need a few times for it to truly sink in (for me this is an ongoing mantra) :

"Dearest Mother (Mom, Mama, Ma), I bow down in deep respect to ALL you have suffered. I am not bigger than your suffering as a Mother."

If you feel moved to participate in a Family Constellations in Group or In an Individual Session then you can refer to the links below for information on dates and to book an appointments. For now, I facilitate offline sessions between Singapore, Bali & Jakarta. I also offer online sessions occasionally.

Group Workshop Information & Dates:

https://theopenconnections.podia.com/groupworkshops

Private Sessions (Singapore & International)

https://theopenconnectionsschedule.as.me

Private Sessions (Indonesia Only)

https://theopenconnections.simplybook.asia/v2/