Holding our Past Love & Relationships With Peace & Respect

Many couples who I work with, wishing to create a harmonious relationship in their committed partnerships or marriage are often surprised when I propose looking into past love and relationships as one of the beginnings of a healing point. It is also not unusual for many to either look at their major (or even seemingly minor) relationships as irrelevant to their present, as non-significant in and of itself or to avoid dwelling into it because of all the discomfort it brings up. When one of the partner has a child/children from previous relationships and marriages then this can add to the complexity of feelings that can make one prefer to deny the gravity of the past relationships.

What we aren't often too able to recognise is the nature of life as a journey of continuity where one event makes space for the next and when what was before was not sufficiently honoured, it doesn't allow us to move into the next phase and relationship with harmony and clarity. One of the key principle of Family Constellations is an observation of how order of time is significant in allowing love to flow from one to the next. So for example if one of the partner had been married before, that relationship requires sufficient honour in order for the next marriage/partnership to exist in harmony. If there is a lack of honour, the disharmony persists and if there are children, it will eventually be noticed that the children aren't able to settle into loving acceptance of their parent future partners..

So how do we begin this journey of respect and honour ? We recognise that even if the relationships feels so bitter to our taste at present and brings up difficult feelings, there was a time where this relationship was filled with love and a sense of belonging. There was a time when you wanted them and you most likely had a dream on all that you had wished for through this relationship. If you have a child out of this relationship, then the gift from this relationship is the gift of new life in your children. How does this feel for you to reckon with this? Do you feel a movement within you to recognise the love that was once felt for them? If it still feels difficult then I invite you to honour the pain that persists in your mind, body and energy systems.

If you are a partner to someone who has had a deep bond with another, or had been married before and have had children before, how is it for you to consider that the one before you made way for the relationship you currently have? Had they stayed in the relationship, then you wouldn't have your current love and life with your partner.

If you are beginning to feel a softening towards this, then I invite you to consider the following healing sentences:

If you are one who is making space for past partnerships/love relationships:

"I honour the love that was there between us. I take the good from what we shared. And, I take my share of the responsibility and consequences for what was difficult between us and I leave yours with you."

If you have had children with them, you can add the following:

"Thank you for the gift of the children, I continue to honour you in them."

If you are one making space for the past partners of your current love then I invite you to consider this sentence:

"I honour you as the one before me. You are the first (the one before me) and I am the second."

I wish you much healing possibilities in your life and in your relationships.

If you wish to work in a deeper way with Family Constellations & Somatic Healing With me then you here are all the ways I work:

Online/In-Person Private Sessions (Singapore & International): https://theopenconnectionsschedule.as.me/schedule/

Online/In-Person Sessions (Indonesia Only): https://theopenconnections.simplybook.asia/v2/

Family Constellations & Somatic Healing Group Workshops: https://theopenconnections.podia.com/groupworkshops